when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
