also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
