it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
