it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
