i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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