Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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