Where is the hickey?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
