one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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