In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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