dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
