They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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