TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
