ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
