The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
