i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
