I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
