That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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