You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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