Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I did not marry a roomba.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
