4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
