a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
