Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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