I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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