Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
