remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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