So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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