My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
