Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
