Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
