Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm just crazy horny about you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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