I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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