Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
