why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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