I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
