dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
