pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
