I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize