take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
