Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
