Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
