: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
