my phone needs a breathalizer
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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