He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
