god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
