you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
