Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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