do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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