think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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