names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
