i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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