There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
