We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
