Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
