Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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