why didn't you poke me back
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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